The Transition from High School to College
Helping Your High School Student Transition to College
Separation anxiety over leaving home is normal.
It’s a common misconception that your child will be so excited to leave home that they won’t need any support. Many students feel separation anxiety during this transition. Sit down with your child and talk about how it feels to leave home, especially if you can relate from your own high school to college experience. Your child's friends mostly likely are experiencing similar fears and it might be a good opportunity to host a cookout or dinner and help them share about some of the things they are excited for and some of the things they are scared about. Be there for them if they are sad or scared. It is important to also remember that you may feel separation anxiety as well. That is okay! You might want to find a friend who has gone through a similar transition and share some of your fears as a parent. Remind yourself that it is part of the plan for your child grow up and move on. It does not mean you have failed as a parent if you do not get it perfect.
Anxiety and stress are on the rise in high school students.
For the majority of young adults, high school is a stressful time. As students begin to learn life skills and prepare for their future, they experience many new responsibilities that can be overwhelming. In addition to competing with other students for good grades and college scholarships, they are faced with decisions about dating, social activities, relationships with parents and peers, etc.
Many teenagers learn how to manage stress as they grow up; however, studies indicate that anxiety and stress in teens are higher than ever before. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association’s (APA) 2019 Stress in America survey of teens ages 13-17:
51% reported feeling overwhelmed by all they have to do during the year
48% reported feeling nervous or anxious
40% reported feeling depressed or sad
While some stress can be healthy—it is what motivates us—too much can be harmful to students’ mental health and academic performance. This makes it even more important for parents of high schoolers to help their child cultivate skills for managing anxiety now so that these challenges don’t become debilitating later on when they are in college.
Your child's friends could change once they're in college.
Kids are so impressionable. College might be their first time away from you, and one fear you might have is that they could get caught up with all sorts of bad influences and make questionable decisions.
While this might be true for some families—and it's something to keep your eyes out for, especially if your college-bound student has a history of substance abuse or other destructive behaviors—this is most likely not the case for the parents of the average high school senior. In fact, most Americans make new friends in college, and that can be a good thing!
A change in community is a healthy part of growing up. The friends your kid had when they were little may have grown apart during high school; people often find their identities shifting as they mature, and that includes what kind of groups they want to associate with. Allowing your child to find companions who share their interests can help them develop social skills like empathy and communication, setting them on the right path to becoming a self-sufficient adult.
Many first-year college students report feeling of loneliness and isolation. You can encourage your son or daughter to seek out friends, social clubs, academic clubs, volunteer clubs, and more. What most first-year college students forget is that they are not he only ones feeling isolated and alone and that others are feeling the same way.
Your child's social and emotional identity will be tested.
Find community.
Perhaps the most important part of this transition will be for your child to find a place where they can be themselves and begin to learn more about who that person is.
Your child’s social and emotional identity will be tested. For many, college is when they “find themselves,” and that could even mean socially or emotionally, as well as through academics.
This change in identity can take many forms: finding opportunities to get involved on campus; realizing their political beliefs; getting a deeper understanding of their own religion, or developing a new relationship with the church altogether; finding their place in regards to social or political issues; or understanding what healthy relationships look like.
Being away from home can help clarify values for students in ways large and small—from deciding whether it’s worth staying sober at a party vs. drinking at one (or both), to figuring out how important gender roles are to them when it comes to dating.
Pay attention to conversations about alcohol and drugs.
It’s easy to think your student is ready for the world of college, but when students get to college, they may feel overwhelmed and alone. They may be tempted by alcohol and drugs as a way to cope or fit in with their new peers. Some even find themselves using prescription medications not prescribed for them (by other students or from leftover prescriptions from their own childhood) as a means to deal with things like insomnia and anxiety. At times the longing for belonging is so strong they compromise their own values or morals.
College is often a time of experimenting with new things and different ideas. College students are likely to hear about drugs and alcohol from their peers, but it’s important that parents address these topics before their student leaves for school. If you haven’t had conversations about alcohol, marijuana or even harder drugs before your child goes away, you should try having these discussions now. It’s never too late! You could research local organizations or online resources to help you have those conversations.
Hopefully, your family has already discussed how drugs can impact someone’s mental health and the dangers of addiction, but if not – it’s important that you have those conversations before they leave home. As hard as it might be to talk about these topics, it will help you prepare your child for being on his or her own.
Avoid "failure-to-launch" syndrome by giving your child tools to problem solve while they're at college.
While you're helping your child transition to college, it's also important to help them avoid "failure-to-launch" syndrome. After all, they're not just leaving for college—they're also leaving their support system and the safety net of adulthood. Here are a few ways you can make sure your child is prepared to problem solve:
Encourage your high school senior to talk with their professors. Your student may be intimidated by approaching a professor, but remind them that it's what every other student does! College is all about learning how to be an adult, and this includes working with other adults on things like assignments and schedules.
Remind your soon-to-be freshman that it's okay if they need help from mental health professionals on campus. Let them know that they are not alone in feeling homesick or overwhelmed by the workload at first; many students reach out for help with those issues during their first year of college.
You don't need to tiptoe around these conversations: let them know that there is no shame in needing professional assistance. And if you or another family member has had similar experiences in the past, share them as evidence that college life will still be fun and rewarding after seeking professional help!
Remind your student of who they are and encourage them with what you know about them. You know they are strong and resilient and that they can do hard things.
Finally, while they're making friends and exploring new things, remind your child (and yourself) that they still have family who loves them back home.
Set guidelines and expectations early.
Your child is now an adult, and you need to discuss guidelines and expectations early. They will be living independently for the first time and must know what is expected of them. Some examples of this discussion include:
Personal goals
Expectations from both sides
Financial budgeting discussions
Responsibilities (e.g., laundry, cleaning) and limits (e.g., guest policy, curfew) with roommates if applicable
Communication expectations between you and your child (e.g., how much contact you want to maintain)
Academic expectations
Remind your children that if they are having a hard time, there are many resources available to help them through it.
Remind your children that if they are having a hard time, there are many resources available to help them through it. College can be stressful and even overwhelming, but it’s important for students to know that they don’t have to do everything alone. There may be a counselor or advisor at school who is willing to lend an ear, or your child can turn to friends and family for support—and of course you as a parent will always be there as well. If someone is experiencing any symptoms of depression or anxiety, such as low mood, insomnia/oversleeping, changes in appetite, disinterest in activities that were once enjoyable, or feelings of hopelessness, it is important to seek professional treatment right away. These symptoms should not be ignored. Most colleges have medical centers on campus where students can talk with counselors or doctors in person or make appointments over the phone. Students may also find it helpful to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (available 24/7) for assistance from trained mental health professionals.
